As a service to the international Rickmaniac community, The Rickmanista Review is now offering an advice column, Ask The Rickmaniac (ATR). ATR will feature a variety of experts answering questions from fellow ‘maniacs on a variety of subjects. Every month we will try to feature a different Rickmaniac consultant to provide the answers.
Click here if you want to return to the Rickmanista Review.
You can contact me, Emma, at emma-mail@mailexcite.com.
Dear Rickmaniac,
Even when I like Alan Rickman, I’m not sure that I qualify as a rickmaniac. What are the symptoms? Signed, Wondering.
Dear Wondering,
I’m glad you asked. Answer a few questions:
1) How do you spell AR’s name?:
a. Allen Rickman
b. Alan Rickman
c. Alan Richman
2) How many AR movies have you watched? (add 1 point for each time you have watched each movie; double the score for each movie you first saw in a theater).
3) Can you name five Alan Rickman movies? (add 1 point for each movie you can name correctly).
4) How many AR videos have you purchased? (add 1 point for each time you watched each video).
5) Can you name 2 AR characters that appear regularly in Karina’s Flights of Fancy guestbook?
6) Do your own hands tingle each time AR’s hands are mentioned?
7) Did you listen to the entire The Return Of The Native (TROTN) tapes even when you did not understand a word of what the local-yokels were saying? (add 1 point for each time you’ve listened to each cassette).
8) Have you watched Murder, Obliquely? (1 point): If yes, answer question 9. If no, go to question 10.
9) Have you come up with Dwight Billings knock-knock jokes, such as:
Dwight: Knock-knock.
Annie: Who’s there?
Dwight: Got.
Annie: Got Who?
Dwight: Got any iodine?
10) Are other household members imitating AR’s voice?(add 1 for each person; you can also include pets if you want).
11) Give yourself 2 points for each time your meaningful other has watched an AR video with you; 5 points if you went to watch a film at a theater nearby; 10 points if you went to a theater in another town; 15 points if you went together to a theater performance.
11) Do you know (1 point for each):
AR’s exact date of birth?
Astrological sign?
Eye color?
Names of schools he attended? (2 points each)
Exact height? (2 points)
12) Add one point for each chat session you’ve participated. Lurking doesn’t count. Subtract 15 points for trolling.
13) Do you own any theater programs of plays where AR had been in the cast? (1 point for each).
14) Do you own any theater programs of plays where AR starred? (1 point for each).
When answering questions 13 and 14, add 5 points for each one autographed by AR.
15) Give yourself 2 points for each AR autograph you own; 5 points if dedicated to you.
And the tie-breaker:
Do you own any garments AR wore in a film? (25 points)
Key:
0 points: Thank you for getting this far.
1-10 points: You certainly are showing good taste.
11-30 points: The inclination’s there. Go read the Rickmanista Review, and Karina’s two Guestbooks some more.
31-40 points: All right! Your hard work’s beginning to pay off. Rent some more videos and/or listen to The Return Of The Native.
41-50 points: Congratulations! You are definitely a Rickmaniac. Welcome!
51+ points: You are an inspiration to the rest of us! Can I borrow some of your materials?
Thank you! Signed, Emma.
Dear Rickmaniac,
I can’t get enough of TROTN, but my children have now started to sing the French song. What should I do? Signed: Listening in Louisvile
Dear LiL,
Learn French!
Dear Rickmaniac,
My birthday’s coming up and since we live in Central California, I thought -- after reading the FOF -- that a day trip to the Wine Country would be wonderful. Do you think my husband will find it enjoyable? Signed: Friendly in Fresno
Dear FiF,
Depends on you husband. Renie went with her ex-husband for a hot-air balloon ride; tell your husband to leave his BBQ skewers on the ground.
Dear SS,
It is traditional to carry the Wedding Edible high in a place of honor on the happy day -- in this case, it’s the Colonel’s own creation: Walnut Cake. Serve with the Colonel’s Syllabub (you can find the Syllabub recipe in The Rickmaniac Cookbook). Bon Apetit!
Dear Rickmaniac,
Except for Dr. Mesmer, why do you think AR always plays unmarried men? Signed: Not Dr. Ruth
Dear Not Dr. Ruth,
C’mon, we know who you really are! And you know the answer: That way he gets to carry a you-know-what in his pocket.
Dear Rickmaniac,
Did AR wear a wig in RH, POT, or did they dye his own hair? Signed: A Colorist.
Dear AC,
Neither. It’s completely computer-generated hair (CGH). CGH is the wave of the future -- looks like a permanent curl in the future of film coifs.
But those locks -- they *did* look good, didn’t they? I suggest you become a film colorist instead.
Emma thanks Renie, January's Guest Rickmaniac, for the answers to this month’s questions.