HOW TO FAKE AN ORGASM
Females will agree that it's tough to bed down with a guy who turns out to have a teeny
weenie. But, for the sake of all the lesser-endowed guys out there: Little penises
deserve fanfare too. For this reason, here's a how-to on the art of the fake orgasm.
Bad Orgasmic Mistakes
Before getting into the details of executing a brilliant, natural-sounding O, it's
probably best to bring to light some of the most common orgasmic mistakes. All too often,
women think certain things will constitute a good fake performance, when really, it just
leaves their partners confused, frustrated, and yes, ashamed.
Orgasm "Don'ts"
Don't scream. It's tacky, it's tired, and everyone can see right through it. One of
the most over-used fake techniques, it's rare that the "orgasmic" scream can
benefit anyone in this day and age. And who really thinks so highly of their sex
skills that they'd believe a scream is warranted?
Don't forget about build-up. Some women jump right into their act while forgetting
that two seconds before, they were hardly participating at all. Big mistake. Think of
faking an orgasm like sneezing. Does the "achooo!" come out of the blue?
Of course not. You first crinkle your eyes, draw in your breath, and cover your
face. Only then do you let it out. Without build-up, it's clearly insincere.
Don't ignore timing. No doubt, you're a busy woman on the go, and bad sex isn't
something you want to drag out. However ... not many people would believe a woman
who has an orgasm by the third minute. Come on, what is that?
Don't scrimp on the K-Y. No fake orgasm, no matter how well put together, will mean
anything if you're still dry as the Sahara. Yes, your partner will notice that.
Proper Orgasmic Form
Faking it with proper form is the key to orgasmic success. So without further ado
...
Orgasm "Dos"
Do pay attention to subtleties. For the same reason why the scream is so
ineffective, it's the subtle quirks to your performance that make it really believable.
Illusions of orgasmic bliss can be created by a simple shudder, twitch, or
sigh-anything that your partner doesn't see you do when you're upright and clothed.
Do make it ugly. Pretty orgasms-where you toss your hair, arch your back, let out a
soft moan in C minor-can be nice, but often come out looking premeditated. But not
many people wouldn't buy into an ugly one. Spit, curl your lips, bare your teeth and howl.
Do get into character. Think about the woman you're supposed to be, the one who's
"really" having an orgasm. How aroused is she right now? Does she
find the person she's sleeping with in any way attractive? Why? Try and get
into her head.
When it's all said and done, there's one thing you'll want to make sure you do-say you're
tired. Beat. Worn out. Can't go any longer. After all, isn't that the
point of faking it?
