SEX AFTER 60
Still feeling frisky after all these years
By: Adam Pasick
Ask A Senior Citizen When Sexual Desire Comes Crashing To A Halt And You
Might Be Surprised To Hear The Response: "I'll let you know when I get
there."
With the number of Americans over 65 projected to be 53 million in 20
years, senior sex is no oxymoron. And while it may be stunning for some
to think of Gram or Gramps getting it on, the elderly say they've got
more flow than ebb.
Tony Aiello, 61, and his wife Anne, 60, "take advantage of society's
prejudice" by playing sexy games in public places like restaurants, he
writes in Still Doing It: Women and Men over 60 Write About Their
Sexuality, a new anthology from San Francisco's Down There Press.
"No one is aware that we two old and gray codgers are engaged in sex
play" using a kinky sex toy complete with a remote control, he writes.
"We look around at our younger fellow diners and wonder if they'll ever
be this playful when they, too, are old and gray."
THANK YOU VIAGRA
What's behind this senior sexual Renaissance? Medical science - Viagra,
longer life expectancies - plus changing social attitudes equals more
seniors who are demonstrating that sex isn't the sole provenance of the
young.
In one study at the University of Maryland, a group of student nurses
were shown pictures of a 68-year-old man and woman. The study
participants rated the sexually active seniors more favorably - a
surprise to investigator Shirley Damrosch.
"Our puritanical society frowns on older people being sexually active
after a certain period, or at least it use to," she says. "Of
enlightened attitude is in the general population."
"From an evolutionary perspective, sex is for the young," says Dr. Walter
Bortz of Stanford University, a former president of the American
Geriatric Society. So any sex that doesn't result in children, including
people past their reproductive years, is taboo.
But that viewpoint is only true if reproduction is the sole goal of
getting it on, Bortz adds. And if sex is seen in a broader context, that
"sex is for the maintenance of intimacy, sensuality and fullness of
personal expression, you have to sustain it," he says.
'I'M GETTING RANDIER and RANDIER'
There are signs senior sex is slipping into popular culture.
One faux television ad for Viagra posted on the popular Web site
Adcritic.com has an attractive young woman trying to piece together her
night after she wakes up in a strange bed. She rolls over to find a
septuagenarian, and the ad cuts to the tagline: "It's all about the
Viagra - are you on the Pill?"
Of course, the seniors who contributed to Still Doing It don't much care
what everybody else thinks.
"I'm 60, and I can drive a man crazy with desire by how I look and act,"
says Anne Aielo, in Still Doing It. "I'm supposed to be way past any
sexual desire, yet I'm getting randier and randier as I age."
DENTURE ON or OFF?
Two-thirds of people over 60 are "extremely or very satisfied with their
sexual relationships," according to a survey by Modern Maturity, but sex
after 60 is not without problems.
"Being older lovers has its consternations, as well as its comforting
hilarity," writes Annie Maine. "The partials [dentures] - what do I do
with them when my lover's staying overnight? My gums beg for relief, but
I worry that romance will be threatened if he should wake up to a
partially toothless wonder."
For men, sexual problems are almost always erection-related. Virtually
all men find it more difficult to get erections as they age. Five
percent of men at 40, 25 percent of men at age 65 and 55 percent of men
at age 75 have problems with their erections.
"Mine are not as firm as they were," writes Bruce Eastwood in the chapter
"seasonal Changes." "Occasionally I will lose one in the middle of
intercourse ... these problems are to be expected. The good news is that
these occur infrequently and little diminish the intensity of [his
partner] Mara's and my enjoyment of each other."
As for women, post-menopausal women often have to deal with vaginal
dryness and a lowered libido, which can be counteracted with hormone
treatment and lubricant.
These difficulties don't mean the loving isn't as good, but expectations
of what constitutes mind-blowing sex need to be adjusted.
"I don't expect my partners to have a ful-blown erection every night,"
says Maine in her piece. "Men are so relieved when you tell them that.
It now takes both of us longer. Sometimes neither of us does before we
fall into blissful sleep."
