The Subtle Pickup
By: Heidi Muller
As it's probably no surprise, many men are completely clueless when it
comes to the proper way of approaching women, whether at a club, party,
cafe, or on the street.
Don't worry fellas; you are not alone! From what I have witnessed and
experienced, men pretty much have the elegance of a football player in
ballet slippers when it comes to approaching women.
I can't begin to intimate the countless times that men have approached me
with the hopes of getting my number or even going home with me, when all
they actually got was a dirty look and my scanning the room for the
nearest exit. These are definitely moments when women wish they had
radar systems to signal their girl friends for quick escapes from the
cretins that are tying to talk to them.
So how do you successfully approach the woman who catches your eye?
Since the bar scenario is the most popular, we'll start by discussing the
best approach in nightclubs.
I speak for most women when I say that there is a negative stigma
attached to men picking up women in bars. This may explain why many men
get the cold shoulder when they approach hotties at nightclubs. When a
man approaches a woman, her first instinct might be that this guy wants
nothing more from her than a little horizontal action. He doesn't want
to be her friend, so why is he asking her what she does and what her
interests are?
It has nothing to do with being normally standoffish; it's merely because
of the stereotype of the pickup. Rarely does a man approach a woman
because she looks intellectually stimulating or because he is looking for
a serious relationship. If men stop treating the approach as a pickup,
so will women - which, in turn, will make women more inclined to
chit-chat.
This stigma basically stems from all the creeps who have approached women
in the past and who give sweet, cool guys bad reps. The nightclub/bar
scenario also lends itself to the negative stereotype of men approaching
women, since it reinforces the thought that men can find women to take
home. Come on, what's "ladies' night" all about?
Don't get me wrong, I love that I can get into a club for free and get
drunk for five dollars because of my genitalia, but let's be realistic;
would men be lined up at a club if they didn't know that the place was
full of hot tamales who are downing tequila like wildfire?
And would both sexes be so concerned about the way women looked at
nightclubs if we didn't think others were watching us on the dance floor?
This may make it harder for men who are actually worth talking to; and
yes, it isn't fair. Look at the bright side; if you continuously get the
brush off from women that you approach, it's not something to be taken
personally and it probably has nothing to do with you.
The trick is to dispel the stereotype associated with picking up women in
clubs. Don't be the overeager gentleman who sees the woman as a
challenge; the ultimate goal. So how do you do this? Not to worry,
there is hope. Just follow these simple steps and you'll be sure to
succeed at approaching women.
THE STEPS OF THE APPROACH
Change your attitude: One of the best things to do is not to focus on
picking up women in the first place. don't go to bars with this
intention; you'll only be putting more pressure on yourself and this will
probably just make you nervous for no reason. Go out with the attitude
that you are going to have a great time with your friends with no strings
attached.
Become Involved: While out, do not emit the vibes of a man on a mission.
Dance, chat with your friends and with others. Maybe the girl you have
yet to approach will notice your friendly sociable attitude. You
definitely don't want to stand at the corner of the bar, talk only to
your friends and move away from your niche only when a girl who piques
your interest has been spotted by your radar.
By involving yourself in conversations with others that you may happen to
know at the club or sparking up conversations with other women as a
group, you seem more friendly and willing to meet others, rather than be
them.
YOU'RE ALMOST THERE
Use Your Eyes: Eye contact is key. Do not ogle a woman and stare her up
and down. Although men think this may be flattering to women and just
can't control their eyes from moving north to south, be stingy with the
stares. she will notice that you are checking her out and you are asking
for disaster if you approach her after you just treated her like a
centerfold. Do not gawk. Eye contact creates a level of intrigue and
mystery and is a great flirting tool, so use it accordingly. It also
conveys self-confidence and may be an indicator as to whether or not she
is interested in you.
Be Light and Fluffy: The best thing to do is casually approach her in a
friendly manner, not with an ultimate goal. Don't put so much pressure
on yourself. Use your judgment in context, maybe commenting on a
situation and making a joke about it or relating it to a movie that just
came out. This is a good ice breaker provided she has a sense of humor.
Try to use some kind of common ground by bringing up something you may
have in common or commenting on her handbag that your sister is dying
for. If this doesn't feel natural, introducing yourself also works even
though it isn't the most original approach. If all else fails, tell her
that she looks familiar and that you're sure you met her somewhere. But
be wise with this sentence or women will simply chew you up and spit you
out. Also, don not resort to the cheesy "do you come here often?"
AVOID AT ALL COSTS
The Eager Beaver: The more eager you look, the more you repel women you
attempt to approach. Why would any woman want to talk to you if you seem
so interested without even knowing a thing about her? This makes you
look like you've spent the last few months arranging your sock drawer.
The Smooth Operator: Don't act slick and suave, it'll make you look like
you're overcompensating for a lack of confidence and personality.
Mr. Arrogant and Overconfident: No woman wants to feel like you are
doing her a favor by talking to her. She'll return the favor by brushing
you off. Just be yourself since women can see through right through an
act. Haley Joel Osment is not the only one with a sixth sense; women see
right through phonies. If you sincerely seem interested in wanting to
chat with her, she will probably notice.
The Rebound Thrower: Don't approach every woman if you strike out. I'm
not saying that you have one chance to succeed, but don't go to every
woman as if it's your last night on earth and you must find a woman -
you'll lose credibility.
The Subscriber to 1001 Pickup Lines: Using lines such as, "What's your
sign?" or "Why aren't you out with your boyfriend tonight?"
...Don't
even bother.
The Bartender Mediator: Sending her a drink via the bartender can work
at times, depending on how you go about it. Don't send a drink her way
and then have the bartender point you out; suggesting shooters can be a
more effective icebreaker.
JUST GO FOR IT
Unfortunately, there is no specific trick on how to approach women at
nightclubs. Every situation and scenario calls for a different approach.
I wish I could be more specific in helping you, but most of it is a
judgment call. the key is to be natural and never sound forced.
Remember to enjoy yourself since approaching women is considered
flirting, which is supposed to be fun. Do not be afraid of rejection
either, just take it lightly. If she ends up being completely rude, you
probably don't want her in the first place. Just tell her to take it up
with me.
