WORST PLACES TO HAVE SEX
Despite the fact that you probably think you're the be-all-end-all in
bed, general passersby really would rather not see you in action. So in
the spirit of public service, here spelled out for you are the official
places where it's not cool to get it on.
In the garage.
Granted, perhaps it's the only room available in the house at the moment.
Or perhaps your beloved is a mechanic and is into that. Regardless ...
this is one of the most inconsiderate places to do the nasty. Nothing is
worse than driving home after a hard day's work, pulling into your
driveway, opening the garage with your door opener, and having to slam on
your brakes to avoid a copulating couple.
In a car, on the side of the road.
Another bad decision. Again, it presents a disorienting and frightening
picture for drivers on the road. When you happen to glance into a
neighboring car, you expect to see hands on the wheel, not feet. Heads
should be facing front. There's just a certain protocol when it comes to
being in a car - if you can't adhere to it, then get a room, man.
On a roof.
So romantic. There you are, all bundled up, until one of you happens
wants to take it a step further. How about - having sex right here, in
this very spot? Woo hoo! What a concept. So then you're having sex on
a roof. But what you probably didn't account for is the danger of that
gaping hole next to (otherwise known as the chimney). As a result your
luck and what you thought was some creative positioning, you and your
beloved end up humping, humping, humping all the way down the chute. But
not that we're really concerned about your well-being. What about those
poor children who are sitting around the fireplace and singing carols,
right at that moment? How will their parents explain why two NAKED
people cam crashing down in front of their little eyes?
In a bathroom.
Horrible choice. You may have thought you had spared everyone by going
in separately and not making it obvious that you're about to have sex.
But, lest we not forget, everyone has an automatic internal clock that
starts ticking as soon as someone goes into the bathroom.
Outsiders let a certain amount of time go by while you're in there, but
there is always a breaking point where they feel compelled to ask, "Is he
still in there? Why is he still in there?" Naturally, these coldhearted
souls, out of genuine concern, bust in, only to be welcomed by the visage
of your bare ass. And that other bare ass. Disgusting.
