GOT TOO MUCH SEX ON THE BRAIN?
Why Celibacy May Be Just the Thing For You
Your goals are non-existent, you're having a tough time concentrating,
your love life's a mess, and consequently your self esteem's going to
pot. Could it be that in all your life's misery and pain, your problem
is simply that you're having too much sex?
Indeed, there's a growing number of people who say that taking a vow of
celibacy, even temporarily, can be enough to set even the shoddiest of
lives back on track.
America's Sexless
Since the years of the freewheeling sexual revolution, many people have
decided to approach sexuality with an almost ceremonious closing of the
knees. Celibate folk are everywhere (studies have shown that up to
twenty-percent of adults aren't having sex), and not surprisingly, they
have many different reasons for not giving it up. Perhaps you'll see
yourself in the short list of categories below; or, you may be devastated
to discover you've been pursuing a dead end.
A couple of common "categories" of celibates include:
People who aren't permanently celibate, but just picky. Too often within
couples, there's one person who's expecting a relationship with some real
emotional intimacy, while the other ends up caring less, says Wendy
Keller, author of The cult of the Born-Again Virgin: How Single Women Can
Reclaim Their Sexual Power.
In short, one person is guaranteed to feel as if they're getting the
shaft - and those in this predicament are often women. The answer? If
you're looking for a solid relationship, putting off sex can help you get
it by weeding out the bad seeds. "Before I go out with a man, I'll tell
him right up-front that I'm celibate. The ones who are looking to screw
and leave disappear - and the one's who are interested in me as a human
being are the ones who will go, 'Oh, really? that's interesting," say
Keller.
Religious people who believe it's the way to go. Of course, there are
those who believe that sex outside marriage is a sin; but for some, the
decision to give up sex is something that'll actually bring you closer to
Jesus. "Celibacy draws us close to the heart of the way of Jesus: The
cross and the resurrection," said the author of the Christian Celibacy
Home page. "something which is precious to us must be given up, must be
put to death. There is darkness, there is pain." In fact, if you can't
stop doing it even for Jesus, we don't know what's wrong with you.
The Nuts and bolts of Not Getting Any
So what's it like, day to day, to know that you'll go to bed that night
without sex? The truth is, there can be some astounding benefits. All
that time you spend rehashing where your relationship went wrong, or
wondering when your thing-of-the-week is going to call? Out the window.
"[For women] there's a huge time and energy difference when you're not
facing basically guys who just want to screw you and leave," says Keller.
"It's an amazing psychological shift that gives you more energy to put
on your spiritual development, health, appearance, finances, education,
or whatever's important."
Or, what if you're a guy who's just tired of being used, dammit? You're
not alone. In fact, during the course of interviewing people for her
book, Keller says she came across men who also abstain. "There are a lot
of guys out there who feel a little performance anxiety or think the
whole macho thing is overrated, and they don't want to be some penis that
some woman can get off on and then go on to the next guy," she quips.
And really, who wouldn't love a sexually unavailable guy? I can now
relate to people more freely as individuals, particularly women," one
celibate man told bewell.com in their article, "A Hands-Off Introduction
to Celibacy." "Men tend not to see me as competition to a potential
mate, and women tend not to see me as a threat."
However, there are always the downsides to being celibate. For one
thing, you might find yourself failing in the midst of it by no choice of
your own. So how do you manage to stay strong? Two solutions seem to
come up most often - focus on your mission, and spank it 'til you can't
spank it no more.
