HOW TO GET YOUR PARTNER TO DO THE DEED
Let's take a wild guess. You're horny, and either your partner's not in
the mood, has strangely lost his or her attraction to you, or is
otherwise bound by religious constraints that you can't even begin to
understand. What do you do?
Lace the encounter with soothing affirmations. It's understandable
perhaps why some people have a hard time getting their partners to put
out. Having won their relationships on the sheer charm of their
personalities, it's hard to hide the fact that the sight of their bodies
don't exactly arouse the stirrings of desire in others. That's okay. In
this age of pop-psychology and self help, it's actually been discovered
that affirmations can actually turn a hesitant lover into an enthusiastic
one. Repetition of phrases such as "love my flab" seem to work wonders.
If it's a girl, use the "L" word. Sexist, but true - chicks love to hear
that they're loved, and sometimes will reward such an utterance
handsomely. Try it. (Actually, if you're one of those who have an
aversion to actually saying the word "love," you may want to practice
reciting different, safer "L" words first before the big performance.)
Go get 'em.
Dive into a little erotic reading. If you're not getting any, it may
help to flip through a few glossy photos of those who are. Get your
partner to join the fun as you marvel at all the new and innovative
positions. Sigh and lament your current regression back to virginity,
asking your partner if they would just for once be willing to indulge.
Play Twister. Playing Twister is a wonderful way to innocently find
yourself in a sexual position (albeit clothed). If you can get your
partner to nude up, it'd be all for the better, but if not, just give the
spinner some strategic nudges and hope for the best.
Plant a porno. The strategically placed porno in the video library has
been known to inspire many who otherwise wouldn't have thought of sex as
a way to have a good time. Wedge it in between other flicks of
questionable cinematic quality, and watch your partner gravitate to it
out of curiosity. Yeah, they'll be shocked when most of it turns out to
be footage of people knockin' boots, but afterwards, who wouldn't be
ready to give it a go?
Interrupt natural sleep patterns. There are also many people who would
be willing to give it up just to get some sleep. Your job? To play on
this underrated law of nature. If you're really focused on your goal of
getting it on, then don't let your partner slip into REM tonight without
being jerked awake with yet another of your endless request of sex. Your
partner, out of a desire to finally get some rest for his or her aching
body, just may let you climb on for a moment.
