EL PAIS Translated by Ana Ramos. SINEAD RETURNS TO THE ROAD The most controversial and brillaint Irish woman has chosen "Tentaciones" (Temptations) as her exclusive confidant at the start of her first tour in five years. This is the chronicle of an intense journey in which she reveals her fears and speaks about her new EP, about God, about America and her conversion to Rastafarian. Text: Bruno Galindo Fotos: Francis Tsang Translation; Ana Ramos Portsmouth Pyramids Hall, England, June 5, nine o'clock in the evening. The haze of light projected by a tiny lantern guides Sinead O'Connor's footsteps from the dressing room to the stage. There, awaits her a microphone and, taped to the floor, a sheet of paper with the songlist that she has chose herself for the night of her reappearance. Beneath the lights wait the musicians which she has been rehearsing with for over a month. In front, in the darkness, there is a secret interweaving of fans and detractors. Since she first announced her retirement from the stage, almost five years ago, both factions- those that defend her music passionately and those who have come to slander her- have waited for her with infinite patience. And she them.Until this night. Sinead has broken her vow (the desire to make music has been stronger than the desire to study theology) and has returned to show face. Conflict with British public? The dramatization that sets the concert free- emotion, strength, protest, pain and beauty-prove there is something more. On this night, Sinead returns to face the entire world. TURBULENT MEMORIES The 30 year old Irish woman claims that each time she goes to buy a pair of shoes, she can deliberately forget her previous pair as she shops in the store. But with her memories, it is a much more complicated matter: One cannot leave them behind like a pair of worn out shoes. Sinead carries the consequences of her radical honesty-embodied in her most renowned actions. One example: refusing to performa concert minutes after hearing the American Anthem performed on her set. Another, from which she would later retract: confessing her sympathy for the IRA. No one else but she has refused a Grammy, protesting the frivolousness of the music industry in the midst of the Persian Gulf War. Only Sinead had dared to tear up a photograph of the Pope on television. The controversy: far from boosting the sale of her records, has made her an unpopular figure. The scandal: a common element in the realm of marketing technique these days has not been commercially effective in her case as it has with others who's "designed" controversies sell music associated with difficult childhoods, criminal pasts, drug addictions, and lives lived on the edge. Looking at it from that angle, and however badly this may sit with her,- Is there, in the realm of pop a more obvious symbol of the rock and roll attitude than Sinead O'Connor? The same bus that brought us to London after the Portsmouth performance takes us to the northeastern town of Norwich the following day. It's one on those magnificent rolling homes that's turned into a temporary home for the musicians for the duration of the tour. The first floor contains a kitchen, a bathroom, a living room and a television room. Upstairs there are a dozen beds fitted like bunk beds and another viewing room. There she is, alone and quiet, with her gaze fixed upon a window that doesn't reflect anything except what is on the inside- out. She smokes one LIGHT after the other and her appearance is a very sad and distant one. In this silence, she explains in her quiet voice, she looks for the answers to her questions. Gorgeous blue-green eyes, long eyelashes, hair split down the center in two, and a tiny stud pierced through her nose. She continuously scratches herself and fingers her ring with the same symbol that appears on the cover of her new EP Gospel Oak: the Star of David with a dot over two of its points. T- What does it signify? S- The two crossed triangles represent the union of masculinity and femininity. The dot symbolizes the presence of God and his feminine nature. If the star does not have the dot, it symbolizes chaos. In ancient times, the Jews used to draw it with the dot. But they renounced it. It's obvious they preffered chaos. T- Are you aware that using that sign, you put yourself in opposition with part of the Arab comunity? S- All the same. I'm sure they would hate me for any other thing. I don't take sides but I asure you that if I had to, if they forced me at gunpoint, I would not side with the Israelies, I would side with the Palestinians. The Israelies treat them like dogs; they are truly crazy. I was going to perform in Jerusalem next month in a pro-peace concert organized by Palestinian and Israeli women but someone called the British Embassy to say that if I showed up there, they would kill me. T- Well, your new album is dedicated to, among others, the people of Israel... S- Since I was a little girl, I have been influenced by Israel. It used to fill me with sadness to watch on television, at Christmas time, how the people would kill each other at the same place where Jesus was born. I used to think "What does the future hold for the world?" But it always fascinated me. Anyway, I consider myself rastafarian, so in that regard I am somewhat Jewish. Judea is a sacred land. T- I believe that U2 is seriously reconsidering performing there now. I have also heard that you have just recorded with them. S- Yes, a song for Wim Wender's next movie- "The End Of Violence". It's called "I'm Not Your Baby." Wenders wanted me to write a song and then for Bono to write another. Then he had the idea that we should do it together. But it's very unclear what's going to happen because now it turns out that U2 want to keep the song to use it as a B-Side on one of their singles. T- During your periods of "retirement", you have collaborated with other artists. What else have you done recently? S- I have recorded with Nusrat Fatch Ali Khan. He is a fascinating man. He was in London at John's (Reynolds- her producer, drummer, and ex-husband) house so we staged a session with Natacha Atlas (of Transglobal Underground). Now Nusrat has gone with his nephew who will possibly be his successor, as he is very ill with diabetes. Singing with them has been briljant. I'm sure that the Muslims love them, he is Sufi. HISTORY OF JOAN OF ARC Also known as the Maiden Of New Orleans, the french heroine live 19 years, between 1412 and 1431. As a peasant girl, she had a holy vision: God came to her and entrusted her with the liberation of France from English rule. She left home and went before the French monarchy and told of her revelation. Charles VII, a believer, put the army under her command. In the first battles, the army was victorious. But before long, their leader fell into enemy hands. The ending of this story is well known: Joan of Arc was burned, for heresy and witchcraft, at the stake. That final scenario is the image printed on the T-shirt Sinead is wearing. "It's a gift from a fan" she says. One looks for parallels between the singer and the heroine. As did Katherine Bigelow, director of "Strange Days" who contracted Sinead to star in a biographical film about Joan Of Arc two years ago. T- Soon we will be seeing you in another movie, right? S- Yes, in "Butcher Boy" It's directed by Neil Jordan (Crying Game, Michael Collins) and it's the story of an Irish boy who goes crazy. His mother commits suicide and he is left alone. Then he goes to stay with priest who abuses him sexually. To escape, he claims that he sees visions of the Virgin Mary regularly (she embodies a maternal figure for him). In his craziness, he REALLY sees the Virgin Mary. I am the Virgin. T- How did you prepare for the part? S- I have gotten myself so familiar and so attached to the story- as if I were telling it to my son. The book, written by Irish author Pat Macabe, is written with alot of humor. And the Virgin is a very amusing woman. T- Should we deal with such serious issues like religion with a sense of humor? S- We should deal with everything that ends with "-ism" or "-ist" with more of a sense of humor. At the end of it all, there is no answer to the meaning of life, not even in religion. No one has known God. At least, no one has returned to tell us about it. T- You are Catholic, Buddhist, Jewish...Rastafarian... S- We should unite all the religions and stop viewing them as enemies. That way we eliminate all of the shit that surrounds each one. God is unconditional love- no matter how you look at it. I came into contact with rastafarianism when I moved to London (one of the main rasta centers in the world) and I started to relate to its restlessness and its music. My collaboration with Benjamin Zephaniah for "Clear", Bomb The Bass' latest release, is some of the best work I've done in my life. T- Going back to your latest album- in it, you make claims about God's femininity. How's that? S- Yes, the image of God is only comparable to the relationship of unconditional love that exists between a mother and her child. That's why, if you picture God as total love, you are materializing the idea of God as a mother. Nothing can sever that connection, that umbilical cord. MADE UP, BLIND, AND CRAZY The bus goes round a two-way road and stops at a gasoline station. An opportunity to stretch the legs and buy some provisions. Chocolate bars, fried chips in the strangest flavors, sandwiches and gum: let's take note of the junk food the traveling musician consumes. Sinead buys the newspaper. "Jeff Buckley drowns in the Mississippi River." We return to the vehicle and one of the back-up singers (later referred to as the 'Sineadettes') pops in a video. They are the latest episodes of "Father Ted"- a defamatory comedy about the tribulations of an Irish priest. One begins to feel a sort of overdosing of religion. The issue consumes Sinead like a true obsession: her songs, her movies (both in which she stars and those that she watches). Even her clothes reflect her faith. Surely Luis Bunuel would have offered her the part of a nun in one of his more radical films. It's likely that he would be amused by Sinead's perversions dressed as the Virgin Mary: "I tried to make love with the costume from the movie. It was a good idea, but it didn't quite work." Perhaps the cynic would have found graciousness in the iconoclastic message that the once bald Diva dedicated to his holiness Wojtyla. "If the Virgin Mary were here, she would have ripped up his picture also." T- Were you surprised to discover that among all of your friends, a few were, as they say in Spain, more papist than the Pope? S- No. I am Irish and all of the Irish people that I know are devout Catholics. There was only a negative reaction from the people I don't know, which at that time did surprise me because I was ingenuous. I never thought that the Catholics could misinterpret it as an insult being directed at them; that's how stupid I was. I don't regret anything except not clarifying from the start that it was not my intention to attack them. I am Catholic, I was raised Catholic, my family is Catholic... I saw it as an act of love on my part toward Catholics because I feel the Church has lied to us. T- Is it worth the trouble to start a controversy every time you want to express something? S- Always. When they used to ask Bob Marley about something he had done, he used to answer: "They crucified Jesus Christ." If you were Jesus Christ, if you were perfect, they would crucify you. There will always be someone who detests you for something. I believe in discussion, not keeping silent. I don't believe in violence, but I believe in expression. I couldn't be a singer if I wasn't like that. T- Would you... well, forget it... S- Would I do it again? Ha, ha, ha! I don't think it's necessary to do that sort of thing more than once. T- Who's face would you tear up? S- Probably my own face. When I did it, I was twenty-something, I felt like a true revolutionary. Now, I am more interested in feeding my children than being killed. T- Your hair is a good indicator of your state of mind. Does that make sense? S- Yes. Anyone can take note of it. I will never cut it again. T- Do you have a sense of humor? S- Yes. But when they take pictures of me and I'm happy in one but sad in another, they always publish the sad one. No one can know me simply by what they read about me. I am very shy. And my songs are very serious. T- Where do you see yourself in 50 years? S- I shall have an enormous marijuana plantation in Africa, in Ethiopia. I will be wearing tons of make-up. I will be blind. And I will pay sexy men to come read me books. I will be happy in my craziness. T- You didn't sing "Nothing Compares 2U" last night and I sense you won't be singing it tonight either. S- I will never sing it again. All of that (#1 in 17 countries, millions of copies sold...) was an accident, a distraction. That song is not me and it doesn't represent me or my music. T- Does Prince need a mother? S- And a father. I would say that they were very violent with him as a child. T- Interpret this statement from The Artist: "Your friend and your enemy are one and the same. Well, your enemy envies you and that, ultimately, is a test of love." S- Mmm... it makes sense. When we dislike something about somebody, we are generally recognizing that characteristic in ourselves. What happens then is that you react against yourself- "I don't like myself." And that, maybe, stems from a loving sentiment toward that other person. T- What kind of music are you listening to these days? S- Rhythm and Blues: R. Kelly, Brownstone, Genuine...that sort of stuff. Sexy music. IT'S HER! SHE HAS HAIR! Sinead pops a coin into a jukebox and the seductive voice of Etta James fills the room: "I Just Want To Make Love To You". Then she gets in line, as if she were just another one of the students, with a partitioned tray in hand- typical of drive-up food service. It is seven in the evening at this Norwich University restaurant; the performing arts center will be the setting for tonight's performance. The singer, resigned to autograph signing, is the center of everyone's attention: "It's her! She has hair!" Seated at a table close a window, she once again reflects sadness and distance. On the other side of that window: the green meadows, a duck-filled lake and walking path on which students and teachers are strolling. The sun is setting. She was born December 12 (* isn't it the 8th?!!!) 1966 in Glenageary, Ireland. Her parents separated when she was 8 years old. Although she was legally in her father's custody, she ran away to return to her mother: "An unbalanced woman; physically, verbally, psychologically, and emotionally. There were times when she would spit in my vagina and hit my breasts." She remained with her for 5 years. At 13, she returned to her father. However, after being detained for petty theft, she soon ended up in a boarding school for girls with "behavioral problems". She escaped from there to pursue her music. She started out in a band called Ton Ton Macoute and she made her first recording with Tua Nua. But it was in Dublin that she received her first paycheck working as a waitress in a restaurant that to this day remembers her with a wall plaque. T- Let's see if you remember the menu at the Bad Ass Cafe. S- Of course! Pizzas, potatoes with garlic...and cabbage salad. As the customers would arrive, we'd start them off with a cabbage salad. T- What are your memories of that period making a life for yourself in Dublin? S- Briljant. I was still an adolescent and that was great because I didn't question myself too much. It was later on that I realized how fucked up I was. Those years before my neurosis were great. I left home, school, I was earning my own money... I was free. T- But it was during those years that you suffered several breakdowns. S- That's true. But I think that the hardest phase is between 20 and 30, when you confront your past and that's when you suffer. Before that, you are too young to understand what's going on and after that, things don't seem to affect you so much anymore. At first, my memories were very distant. My mother died (in a car accident) when I was 18 years old but it really hit me hardest when I was 26. T- Your songs express your traumas. Do you run from your past or are you drawn to it? S- Both. But I have conquered my emotional downfalls. I have worked very hard to overcome them and I am fine now. Sinead left Dublin in 1987 and went to London to live with her boyfriend, John reynolds. They were married and had a son, Jake. They separated immediately after. Today John remains at her side as her producer and her drummer. In 1995, Sinead agreed to an interview for an Irish newspaper. The journalist, John Waters, was to become later that same year, the father of Sinead's second child, daughter Roisin. "We are not a couple" she asserts. "At Christmas time, we all get together. It's not very conventional but it works. Families like mine are the way of the future." The Irish woman scratches herself nervously during the interview. Written on her hand is her son's name. T- Finish this sentence: When you find yourself in a bad state and you think that you can't go on anymore, you just have to remember... S- My children. But I want to make it very clear that I hardly ever think of suicide. T- It's rumored that you tried to kill yourself. S- That's a lie. I just wanted the time to pass quickly so I took some pills and slept for three days. T- After tonight's concert, you're off to the United States. Are you dreading the audience there? S- I fear human beings in general. I believe the entire world is terrible. The world is a violent and dreadful place. Americans are not any worse that the English or the Irish. It's true that they are "McDonaldizing" the world. But your culture is rooted in you and no one can take that away from you, unless you renounce it. Anyway, the hamburgers are relatively harmless and they make children happy. If I don't take my son out for a burger, he won't speak to me. T- This is a quote from Bono: "The Irish that went to the United States are the police that now beat up our children." S- The situation from which they fled: hunger and poverty, turned them that way. They have forsaken their land, their history and their culture. It is notorious that Irish-Americans are violent toward their children. T- What is the solution to child abuse? S- Make people aware, open their eyes and teach them to respect. It's a long process that needs everyone's cooperation. T- To help children in need, isn't it necessary to first help parents in need- in the countries in need? S- It's difficult for me to say how everyone should live their lives but I don't believe that a child should have to work. Although, there's a difference between working in a factory and working on a farm. In the latter, if it's a matter of helping the family, it's more reasonable. But after school. Every child has the right to an education. T- The best and the worst thing about being Sinead O'Connor. S- I don't think there's anything bad about being me. The best thing are my children. T- How do you want to be remembered? S- As a mother. T- Why do you have your son's name written on your hand? S- I don't want to forget to call him. I have been putting him in second place lately. WITH DAVID LETTERMAN New York, June 13. Ed Sullivan Theatre. Sinead closes her eyes- "I adore blind singers, that's why I always close my eyes when I sing."- and she returns to the city that was once the setting for her worst nightmare. Five years ago she was vehemently booed off stage while performing for a Bob Dylan tribute at nearby Madison Square Garden. Soon after that, she threw in the towel. Here tonight, she picks that towel back up. The singer concludes her new single, "This Is To Mother You"- spiritual, powerful, and emotional. The host David Letterman, the equivilent of Pepe Navarro, is much more elegant and gracious that his twisted-mouthed counterpart. He gives Sinead his blessing. THE LIGHTS GO OUT The crowd is roaring and the stage manager turns on his lantern. We are still in Norwich- it is 9:00p.m. and it's the start of a performance as powerful as last night's. A capella, accompanied by the "sineadettes", the songstress possesses the stage. She once said "You can't separate the song from the singer." Now she belts out an old familiar tune- "The Emperor's New Clothes: "Everyone can see what's going on They laugh 'cos they know they're untouchable Not because what I said was wrong Whatever it may bring I will live by my own policies I will sleep with a clear conscience I will sleep in peace." Perhaps the content of these lyrics are the only clear thing in the unpredictable future of this fascinating woman with a name that few can pronounce correctly. No. There is one more clear thing. As soon as the concert is over, she will run to the nearest telephone. Jake is waiting.