DAILY MAIL (London) March 17, 1999 The torment of giving up my baby, by Sinead SINEAD O'CONNOR has spoken of the anguish behind her decision to give up custody of her daughter. The Irish singer has settled an acrimonious custody battle by agreeing that three-year-old Roisin can live with her father, journalist John Waters. Last night, she declared she had 'run out of fight' against the man she chose to father her daughter in an 'arranged pregnancy'. Looking weary, Miss O'Connor told how the battle was tearing them all apart. It was on Mothers' Day that she finally agreed to relinquish custody. She said the decision was the hardest of her life. 'I can't begin to describe how difficult it was but I did it for the child,' she added. 'I was frightened that I would be so disturbed by John that I would end up killing myself. 'I'm 32 years of age and I have fought all my life but I don't feel I've got any fight left. I've not eaten. I've not slept and it's affected me emotionally. 'John Waters has made my life so difficult. It has been a nightmare. He insisted he was going to keep fighting and I couldn't take any more.' She said a passage in the Bible had helped her to make up her mind to send her daughter to her father in Dublin. 'There's a story in the Bible in which two women take a child to King Solomon and they argue over who is the mother,' she added. 'King Solomon said, "Tear the child in two". One of the women was all for slicing the baby up while the other one shrieked and said the other woman could have the child. That's how I feel. I couldn't keep going as we were.' Miss O'Connor, who also has a 11-year-old son, Jake, from a previous relationship, said she had been devastated by claims during the legal battle that she had neglected Roisin. 'My children are the most important things in my life,' she added. 'I have never neglected or abused my daughter, but John will not say I am a good mother.' She insists that she still has strong feelings for Mr Waters and includes several love songs about him on her new album. 'I love him and I can understand he wants his daughter nearby. He is a good father and is very tender but he has made my life a nightmare. 'Roisin is the love of his life. He can't stand being away from her. 'As for me, I will probably get a flat in Dublin and spend all the time that I can with my daughter. 'Miss O'Connor had only met Mr Waters three or four times when they began a brief liaison and agreed to have a child. 'We did have an arrangement as friends to have a baby, but then I fell in love with him,' she said. 'I even brought up the subject of marriage.' She said she believes the custody battle had stemmed from a comment she was alleged to have made that Mr Waters was a mere sperm donor. 'I never said such a thing,' she explained. 'The man wanted nothing more to do with me from the moment I was eight weeks pregnant. I have made efforts over the years to patch up the relationship. He was the one who ended it finally.' Roisin returned to her father a few days ago and Miss O'Connor plans to see her at weekends and during school holidays. The singer, known for her forthright political views and tangled personal life, said she was now determined to get herself back together. 'The reason I made my decision is because as a mother I have to be there for my children, ' she said. Mr Waters was not available for comment last night. Controversy has always shadowed Sinead O'Connor. In 1992, she caused a row by ripping up a photograph of Pope John Paul II on the Saturday Night Live programme in the U.S. She initially refused to apologise, but later sought forgiveness to help her shed her reputation as a 'troublemaker'. Then there was her since retracted support for the IRA and an American concert where she refused to have the national anthem played. A tireless campaigner, last year she performed at a concert to raise money for War Child's Sudan Appeal. A year earlier, she was forced to pull out of a peace concert in Jerusalem after receiving an anonymous death threat.