The day started off classically for CUFC as manager Bernie Ward showed up to the pitch drunk with power, and Molson Canadian. Bernie's bender from the night before, a big bash with visiting family members from Ireland, had put Bernie to bed at 7 a.m., only to see him dutifully arise three hours later and responsibly jump into his truck and drive safely to the game. "How are Celtic, you bunch of wankers, eating the sausages in Mexico," Bernie yelled as he spilled out of the truck. "Mr. O'Leary, good morning, belleecchhh."

With that kind of leadership, CUFC knew it was to be their day. Bernie then gave us the lineup, "Bryn, Randy, Harp and Sunny at the back" "Who's sweeping" someone asked. "I don't know, let them figure it out," Bernie replied. Magic stuff that. Speaking of Sunny, it was a welcome sight to see him back out on the pitch after a six-week hiatus, working hard in the air, making runs up the pitch, laughing at the referee. And he managed to make it through the game without screaming so much as "lick my bum". Well done fella.

 The game started out a bit dodgy with Coveside falling a touch flat and getting caught up in a game of kick and run. With Craig Larson, Ryan Matches and Jason Fisher on the field, the temptation to just hammer it and let them chase proved too much as the easy ball and sensible passes went out the window just like Bernie's half-digested Egg McMuffin on the way to the game. Craig had a couple of half-chances off great through balls from Karim Ismail, but the bumpy pitch stole the final finishing touch.

 Meanwhile at the other end of the pitch, the back four were putting up a great display. Randy Ash's hard work and solid tackling continues to be the best addition to the team since Bernie's powder blue cooler, and Harp Dhaliwal made some wonderful tackles as the sweep.

  Last week Harpie was a centre-forward star notching a brilliant goal, this week a stopper sweeper that snuffed out several chances. Let's see Michael Owen or Thierry Henry do that! 

A disturbing incident marred the game about 10 minutes before halftime. Mark Docherty and Brad Chapman had an on-field argument about who is really the all-time queen of porn, Jenna Jameson or Ginger Lynn. The argument got so heated, Brad gave Mark and obscene gesture, and Mark got so cold by Brad's frosty attitude, he walked off the field during the game to put on his jacket and zip it up to the top. Either that, or Doc had just seen Russ arrive and wanted to come off for a quick cuddle.

 Just before the half Karim bent a fabulous free kick over a wall forcing the keeper to make a fine save to keep it scoreless.

 Halftime came and Bernie again was full of inspiration, or was that perspiration. Karim rightly gave us a right bollocking, reminding us the score was still 0-0 and we have to start getting stuck in, and making better passes. His direction worked as CUFC came out much stronger in the second half and carried the play. 

Jason, Ryan and Craig all worked hard, pressuring the defence, and almost saw it pay off. Larson was shoved into the goalie on a semi-breakaway but didn't get the call as the ball was cleared out of the six as it was rolling toward the empty net. Seymour caught Coveside on a quick break, and looked to have a two-man breakaway, only to be foiled by a brilliant sliding tackle from Harp, who not only thieved the ball cleanly, but got up and delivered a pin -point pass to Randy Johal which turned into a solid scoring chance as he made a wonderful cross to Jason. Sean Bartlett was a bear coming back in defence, but working up the field as well. Barts got off a great cross into the middle of the box that Fisher corageously went for, crashing into the keeper. He was unfairly called not only for a foul, but also got the yellow and the standard tongue lashing from referee Reg Varney: "Cor blimey, what were you thinking, you stupid twit? etc., etc." 

Some more back and forth finished the game, still five games without a win, but a point is a positive and something to build off heading into the second half of the season. After the final whistle, Bernie gathered the troops to lay down the law. "We play as a team, and as a unit, because that's what we are, a team and a unit, and that's the way we'll play (burp). I'll have none of this gesturing or swearing (poof), or walking off the field, none of you. None of this negativity. We're here for the beer, the soccer, the beer, and the camaraderie (phfffffut), and the beer. So if I have any of it (urp), I'll have you off (brraapptt). Did I mention, you can't talk negative about the beer? Got it? Good (whhooooot)." 

Man of the Match

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