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Muddied
and bloodied, Coveside suffered their first loss of the season, 1-0 to
Malones, Sunday on a sopping Lynn Valley Park. A game CUFC troop slogged
out onto the waterlogged pitch, fittingly in their Celtic stripes as it
was a miserable day, even for Parkhead. Manager/player Bernie Ward fired
up the lads with a prematch speech that left everyone slackjawed thinking
"did he just say that?" Because of various hate crime laws we
can't repeat his speech for fear of prosecution and abolishment of this
website. Depleted once more thanks to injuries and yeast infections, CUFC were shorthanded. Craig Larson was missing from the attack and Russ Hennessey was out with a strained larynx, leaving a hole at the back. Karim Ismail's mustache had not responded to treatment, so the talented midfielder was also on the sidelines. Things
started out well with Coveside playing cautiously and trying to spring
Jason Fisher with his speed up front. Malones countered by sending swarthy
forward Cass Bennett on several through runs trying to take out the
goalie, but that strategy clearly did not work. Bennett was shut down by
full back Randy Ash, who made a sterling tackle on Bennett forcing a
corner. Bennett though went down like Brian Nielsen vs. Mike Tyson trying
to draw a penalty, and squealed like a 14-year-old girl when he fell in a
cold puddle. The game did heat up with a bit of needle though midway
through the first half when Al (The Bleeder - see pics on site) Roberts
was the victim of a The game
had plenty of give and take, but it was clear luck would play a part in
who won. The deep puddles that littered the field made through balls
almost impossible so a fancy game of kick and run ensued. Harp Dhaliwal
cracked a crafty long-range shot from 40-yards out that nearly The
pitch was nearly unplayable at this point. There was so much water on the
field, a group of neighbourhood children had gathered at the fence and
were tossing kippers to the Coveside keeper, who reluctanly agreed to do a
few tricks. IYDEYMYCHAP wisely deemed that if the already driving rain got
any heavier he'd call the game, and that we'd start the second half right Solid
defending kept the score at nils for both sides until Malones caught a
lucky break near the 70th minute when a tricky through ball skipped off
the water, through Al's legs and sent a Malonian in clean. The shot should
have been stopped, but the CUFC keeper got a feeble half-mit on the ball
but couldn't steer it wide as it trickled into the far corner (Ed: He’s
his own biggest critic). Knowing they had work to do, Coveside started
pushing forward, and it nearly paid off. Jason Fisher had a fantastic run
after he thieved a ball off the Malones defence, and beat the keeper, his
long shot from a bad angle agonizingly ticked off the post as it appeared
headed for an empty net. Fisher was later fleeced of a breakaway after a
sterling ball from Harp that
The chance for a draw took a beating with about
10-minutes to go as Roberts was brutally taken out by a clash of heads. As
the Coveside sweeper bravely went up for a header he was fiercely
head-butted by a Malone's forward that opened up a gash on his eyebrow
that was so deep and warm we had to keep Mark Docherty away from it. Al
hasn't been beaten up that bad since his wife found his Caught From Behind
collection at the firehall, (and no, that's not a video collection of Brad
Chapman breakaways). Malones
had a couple of good chances off the counterattack, keyed by Bennett and
Campbell, but some more solid defending from Randy, Brynn and Harp kept
the score at 1-0. With the Coveside keeper threatening to do a Schmeichel,
the final whistle mercifully sounded and hot showers loomed, though not
before already numb hands could be warmed by ice cold Heineken's Man of
the Match.
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