Body Language

• Body language doesn't just include gestures, it also includes facial expressions, eye contact and tone of voice and is sometimes affected by what you are wearing.
• Some people may have body language down to a fine art but many people find it difficult.
• many people constantly feel paranoid about their own body language, including those who are extremely good at it.
• Showing the wrong emotion or laughing at the wrong time can be embarrassing. You may do this if you're thinking about one thing and the people around you are talking about something else. If someone reacts to this tell them that you're mind was elsewhere.
• if someone talks to you about something that they find emotional and you don't respond to their body language with their own, they might think you are lacking empathy or that you really don't care.
• If someone tells you that you do not give enough body language, you might have to exagerate it in order to emphasise what you say, but not to much. This will at first feel artificial.
• part of body language includes courtesy, things like "scuse me", "please", "thanks", "cheers", "see-ya", and being the first to say "hi". It is often an effort to say these things but then perhaps courtesy is supposed to be an effort. I have given informal courtesies here (not over-polite) but the politeness of the courtesies you choose may have to depend on the people you are with.
• We all have to be careful about standing behind someone when they can't see us, because if they turn around they might get a fright. This is especially important if you are large or tall. In a densely crowded bus or train, however, you might not be able to help it.
• It can often be an effort to have a shower or bath every day and to wear deodorant but it is much easier to talk to people if you are clean. Remember, if you smell you may not be aware of it.
• If you are too good at body language, or you look to cool, people are less likely to make exceptions for you if you do something wrong without knowing it.
• If you are an adult, and especially if you are a large one, its better to avoid running in the street unless the street is practically empty. Running for a bus or a train is all right if it will save you having to wait for another half hour or you are in a hurry to get somewhere. On the other hand if you are going for a jog then wear shorts or track-suit trousers so that people can see you are running for the purpose of exercise and hopefully don't feel intimidated.
• When you see someone in the street who you know it can sometimes be awkward but to exchange glances, smile slightly and raise eyebrows to each other is usually enough.

• Boundaries are all about not getting to close to someone yet not being to far away.
• The correct boundaries will depend on the person you are talking to and also the time and place.
• If there is any kind of physical attraction between you and someone else on your part or on the part of the other person, you will need to give off AND read read the correct signals. To do this, the simplest rule to work by is that open gestures turned towards someone tend to mean attraction whereas closed gestures and gestures which are turned away from someone tend to mean the opposite.
• There is a problem of recognising other peoples territory. If, in some one-off situation, you unknowingly enroach on what someone else considers to be their territory, this can sometimes get you into big trouble. For example, at one time I lent a listening ear to a woman living in a house full of children. She was distraught becuase her over-possesive and just-ou-of-prison boyfreind had just stormed out for no particular reason. The thought "what if he comes back" never crossed my mind. Fortunatley my personal safety was spared because he didn't come back until the next day. if after you make this kind of mistake, you later have it explained to you, it can start to look so obvious.

• Eye contact is hard to get right because it is hard to tell whether you are givingsomeone too much eye contact or to little when they are talking to you.
• While people are not talking and when you are not talking to them, it is best not to look at them. This is because people can usually see that you are looking at them out of the corner of their eyes and this may make them feel uncomfortable, in which case they might talk about you behind your back.
• To control your gaze might be difficult for you but by no means is it impossible.
• The same problems are true for pointing at people.
• When you are talking to someone or they are talking to you, you are expected to look at them, bearing in mind the following guidelines:
• To look at someone for less than one third of the time may be communicating that either you are shy (if you keep looking down) or you are dishonest (if yu keep looking to the side).
• To look at someone for more than two thirds of the time may be communicating that either you like them (if you are looking at the face as a whole) or you are aggressive (if you are looking straight into their eyes).
• To look at someone for the whole time will probably seeom suspicious, but this is a good tactic to use while someone who is supposed to be your equal is shouting at you in a way that's highly patronising, offensive and unfair (as if you were some kind of naughty child) i which case you should silently look them in the face until they run out of steam, which they will do eventually, than calmly say "I don't like being talked to that way" and walk away if you'd rather.

• You might be one of those people who talks in almost a single tone without knowing it.
  Ask a trustworthy person if this is true and if it is, you may have to exagerate the intonation in your voice to emphasise what you say, but not to much. This will sound artificial at first.
  if you are reading a stiry-book to a child then the more intonation the better.
• The intonation in our voices is extremely important in determining whether we are being enthusiastic or sarcatstic about something. it is also important in telling whether we mean something seriously or just as a joke.
• If you are a young man whose voice is breaking, then if you find it comfortable, just let it break for good. it may sound strange at first on the inside but it will be sounding much more natural on the outside. If you are worried about what your freinds might think, while it should only be a short term problem anyway, it might be useful to take the opportunity of letting your voice change while changing schools. (Note: I don't know about you but I didn't even notice when my voice broke. So some people may not have any control over it whatsoever. - ed.)
• Remember not to speak to loudly and not to speak to quietly. This should depend on the distance between you and another person and the voice should be quieter when a bit of secrecey is needed. Whisper when everyone else is whispering (or when there is someone asleep nearby).
• At times when you may need to talk extra loudly and clearly (e.g. on stage or in a play) then you may want to project your voice. To do this, keep a nice straight relaxed posture and imagine that your voice is coming from your stomach, however strange this may seem.

• What clothes you wear give of a message about you.
• if you wear bright clashing coloured clothes, perhaps intending to look confident, many people are likely to lose interest in you.
• if you wear cowboy boots, ripped jeans, heavy metal T-shirts and a studded leather jacket, people may either be too scared to come to scared to come near you or will expect to be able to talk to you about heavy metal, music systems, life on the streets and various different night clubs. It is a very difficult image to pull off.
• If you dress in natural colours such as blue, grey, green, black or white, which people cannot laugh at, people will judge you on how you came across rather than what you are wearing, which is likely to be what you need .
• It is often a good idea to hear someone elses opinion about what you should wear (talk to someone who you can trust).