Taylor
However, my reflections in the car had led me to some questions. Now seemed a pretty good time to ask.
“Yes, Taylor?” he said back, curiously. They were really the first words I had volunteered to him all day besides a polite hello. I wasn’t really sure what to say to him and I could tell he felt the same.
“Um, can I ask you a question?” I said as we slid into opposite sides of a booth.
“Ask away,” he said, gesturing for me to go on.
I hesitated. “You know how, when you found me, I was standing with Collin Windsor’s sister, right?”
“Right,” he said. “Margaret Windsor. I met her a long time ago. Very nice. Extremely intelligent.”
I nodded, not really caring for the details.
“She told me, while I was talking to her, that my father was searching for me since Annie had decided to give us up.” I looked down at my hands, pausing. “Is that true?”
He thought for a moment. “I’m not sure,” he said. “Um, I don’t doubt he was, though.”
“What was the situation with that?” I asked. “With the whole giving us up?”
“I suppose it depends on what point of view you’re looking at it from. I really only know Andrea’s,” he said. “She was, of course, very young. Had a lot of problems. Didn’t really feel ready to be a mother. Got a second chance with you and gave it up.”
“I know that much,” I said. “What about him?”
He sighed. “Collin was a very intelligent young man. He had a very bright future. It was very obvious that he was in love with Andrea and she was in love with him, but when she became pregnant with you and your brother... Well, problems arose. Things sort of fell apart. He didn’t want to be tied down with a wife and two babies at that point in his life. So, he was very for giving the both of you up, as much as it hurt both of them. But I guess he must have changed his mind after it was actually done. I don’t doubt he did look for both of you. I guess he was just looking in a lot of the wrong places.”
“So it wasn’t just Annie, then? In on giving us up,” I said.
“No,” he replied. “Why? Did Margaret make it seem that way?”
“I don’t know. A little. I guess I was just curious to know,” I said. “I even considered going up to his wife and telling her everything.”
He nodded. “I would’ve,” he said. “If it were me.”
“Why?” I asked, surprised by this statement.
“I’d be very curious to know more about where I came from. Rather, who I came from,” he said with a slight smile. “What my other parent was like. What they grew up to be. Who they were. I’d be very curious, indeed.”
“Yeah,” I said. “Exactly.”
“Why didn’t you do it?” he asked. “Why didn’t you go up to her and tell her? Or tell Margaret?”
“Maggie already knew,” I told him.
He raised his eyebrows. “And she didn’t say anything?”
“No,” I said.
“Curious,” he commented, but didn’t say anything else.
“That’s part of the reason I didn’t do it,” I went on. “I had a feeling she knew who I was and she wasn’t saying anything. There must have been a reason she wasn’t saying anything about it.”
“Most likely,” he said.
“I was wondering why,” I said. “I thought it might have something to do with bitterness after giving us up or something.”
“No. I highly doubt it,” he said. “What was the other part of the reason you didn’t say anything?”
I cleared my throat. “My brother,” I said.
“Parker, you mean?” he said.
“Yeah,” I replied. “I...I feel so guilty. He doesn’t know anything about Annie. He doesn’t know who she is. He doesn’t know she’s here. He doesn’t know I’ve been living with her since we came back to Tulsa. He also doesn’t know anything about our father. The fact that he’s dead. Not his name. Nothing.”
“I don’t understand,” he told me.
“I thought...I’ve taken enough away of the discovery from him already. It’s not right that I’m the one that’s finding out about all this before him. He’s the one who’s had all this to think about his entire life, you know? I only found out about it a month or two ago. He’s always known.”
“I see,” he said. “And you want him to be the one to venture into your father’s family if either of you so decide to do so, right?”
“Something like that,” I said. “I don’t feel right. It’s his family...” I realized what I was saying before I got it all the way out.
“It’s yours as well,” he said.
“That’s just it,” I said back. “It’s really not. I have my family. I have my parents and my brothers and sisters and that’s all I’ve ever had, all I’ve ever wanted to have. All Parker’s ever had is Gina and thoughts about his biological family.”
“You don’t think that’s all he’s ever wanted to have?” he asked.
“I think that he deserves to know more than I do,” I said. “And that his family would be ripped apart much less if he knew.”
“I see,” he said. “You’re worried about how your family would feel if you suddenly brought your father into this as well as your mother.”
“That, too,” I said. “God, this is getting so complicated. My mother is the only one who actually knows who the funeral was for today. Everyone thinks I’ve gone to the dentist, for God’s sake.”
He nodded. “It certainly is a bit of a web, Taylor,” he said.
“It’s more than that,” I said. “It’s hell. My entire family thinks I’ve turned my back on them. I’m constantly lying to my twin brother and he’s beginning to catch on, I just know it. And I can’t find a way to make any of it better. I can only seem to find ways to make it all worse.”
“The darkest hour comes before the dawn, Taylor,” he said. “You’ll find a way soon. Or someone will.”
I sighed.
“And maybe that’s the reason Maggie didn’t want to say anything,” he went on.
“Why?” I said.
“She didn’t want to add to what was probably already a very complicated web. She didn’t want to bring her family into it, she didn’t want to bring yours into it,” he said. “I think that should tell you something.”
I nodded even though it really didn’t say that much to me.
“I also think that dark doesn’t turn to dawn on its own,” he said.
I didn’t quite understand that, either, but I still nodded.
“Thanks for letting me rant,” I said back.
“It’s all right,” he said. “I just hope everything works out for you, Taylor. And Parker.”
Would you have gone up to Hannah?
Chapter Thirty-One
Chapter Thirty-Three