Chalky, and Dufus…

...Put One Foot in the Mouth

CHALKY	MAUREEN	DUFUS

Shirt was working, and he didn't want to meet Maureen O'Brien anyway:

"She'll be in black and white!"

"No that was only the broadcast…oh never mind," despaired Chalky.

"Take this stuff though," said Shirt, out for all he could get.

"But the autograph will be in black and white," said Dufus.

Chalky and Dufus trekked up to Seventh Galaxy.

"Do we really want her book, just to get her autograph?" they wondered, "I mean, it is £16.99."

"Ah well," they thought, "when have fans ever been known for their reasoned considerations of situations?"

They bought, as usual, far more than they could afford.

They queued, as usual, far longer than most normal humans would bother.

Chalky, however, was unaware of the terrible forces that were waiting for their chance to strike.

Normally, the triumvirate of Chalky, Dufus and Shirt, was a perfectly balanced force. The good looks and witty nature of Chalky, the inane stupidity of Dufus and the terrible dress sense and taste in jokes of Shirt. However, with the absence of Shirt, this balance had, unbeknown to Chalky and Dufus, been thrown out of alignment.

Unaware of the cosmic forces now playing with his life, Chalky advanced towards the table where Maureen O'Brien sat (whipping through the fans at a rate of knots, it must be said).

Never wanting to be seen as a nerdy fan, Chalky advanced a question about Ms O'Brien's other acting roles.

It was now that the gods of 'embarrassing situations' saw their chance.

"Was Jonathan Creek a brief return into acting?" asked Chalky, remembering he had read somewhere that she had left acting for other pursuits, and lulled into a false sense of security by the fact that she was signing a book, she had written (implying a change of direction, career-wise).

And then it happened!

"No," she replied curtly, "I have been acting for 35 years!"

Oops, thought Chalky, quick recovery needed. Well, I haven't seen her on TV apart from Jonathan Creek and Moll Flanders, so maybe she's done a lot of stage work.

"Oh," said Chalky, "Has that been mainly stage work?"

"No."

When Chalky puts his foot in it, he goes up to the groin !!

Oh bugger, thought Chalky, I've done it now. Quick, say something.

"Oh yes. That's right. You did Moll Flanders, didn't you?"

"Yes."

The gods were laughing.

"Can I have a photo?"

Chalky and Dufus returned home, with Chalky unable to get over the fact he had offended a Who luminary, and desperately trying to get Dufus to agree that she had seemed in a bad mood anyway and that it wasn't entirely his fault.

Was it?

[AE]