Shirt…

and the Two Brigadiers.

The announcement that the What Shop were to have the Doctor’s oldest friend and his successor, namely Nicholas Courtney and Angela Bruce, signing photographs meant that the gang considered breaking their avoidance of said store. However, Dufus could not afford to come down this time, having already done so for Daphne Ashbrook and intending to do so for India Fisher a couple of weeks later. Chalky also declined, deciding to spend the day celebrating his birthday in his new love nest with Tigger. Therefore, only Shirt strode forth onto the “Battlefield”.

Having navigated the lack of a full District Line service, Shirt found himself arriving at the shop at the time that the signing was due to start. Finding Steel on the door, Shirt asked if he needed to buy the photo first, and receiving an answer in the affirmative, stepped inside for the first time in well over a year. Two photos and a print were on view, all variations on a theme, and to Shirt’s initial concern, all £12.

‘Well it is for two guests’, he justified it to himself, picking the photo that looked the best, the choice being between having Nick or Angela in shade, Shirt going for the former.

Rejoining the queue, which was up to the small café, a short way down the street, Shirt began to wait, reading his Lord Peter Wimsey book closely to avoid having to talk to anyone else.

This idea proved to be flawed when a woman with her son, just in front of Shirt, asked,

“How does it work, then ?”

“How does it work ?”

“Do we have to buy the photo first?”, gesturing to her son, “It’s his first signing”.

Luckily a man behind Shirt, who looked like the father of TIM, the long-haired boy who always annoys Shirt in queues at Seventh Galaxy, answered.

“Yes. It’s at the counter. I’ll go with him.”

Resisting all his child-protection concerns, Shirt kept quiet.

A few minutes later the two reappeared, photo-less. It appeared that the young boy had ‘bottled it’.

An argument ensued about this, the mother promising to treat the son to a photo.

TIM Senior and boy left again, with money, returning this time with a photo, and the news that buying the photo enabled a personal item.

Cue another argument in which the mother offered to buy son a video featuring Mr. Courtney, and the unlikely pairing going off again, to get video put aside at till.

However, on return he was video-less.

“I’ve seen which one, I want”

“Have you got it put aside at the till for me to pay for ?”

“No”.

“Well how am I supposed to know which one ?”

Another wander into the shop, and a few seconds later:

“I’ve put it at the till for you”, a mischievous smile on little boy.

Mother wanders into shop, a few minutes later, she returns realising that she has been stitched up. It seems she did not look at price label, and it was only when signing the credit card slip that she realised that she had paid £45 for a copy of “Terror of the Autons”.

Cue Shirt trying not to smirk, whilst trying to avoid being shown the large 2003 diary that TIM's dad has got signed by various WHO luminaries.

To break the monotony, a member of shop staff appeared to inform the queue that Ms. Bruce was caught in traffic, several fans behind him "moaned" about the fact that Paul McGann is not the Doctor in the new series, and Chalky texted to say that he had got a DVD player for his birthday.

Finally, 50 minutes after the signing was due to start, Ms. Bruce appeared, and was ushered into the shop.

The queue moved reasonably quickly, and after about 35 minutes, Shirt had reached the front of the queue outside. Steel had been replaced by another member of shop staff, and Shirt was ushered in, to join the small queue inside.

Helen A was sitting at the signing table with Nick and Angela, and greeted Shirt like a regular customer. Shirt decided to take advantage of this, and her good mood (having just finished laughing at the boy’s mother’s outline of the video revenge), to get her to agree to him having two personal items per guest.

As Shirt reached Angela Bruce, Nicholas Courtney was just finishing telling her about his character in “Soldiers of Love”, and how it had been impregnated by a lesbian octopus, to great hilarity (well, maybe you needed to be there!).

After the briefest chat with Helen A, he placed the purchased photo in front of Angela, asking in his politest voice “Can you sign it to Shirt, please ?”

This done, the photo was slid along to Nick, who had to hold the photo right up to his face to read the name, as he had not been listening.

“Shirt”, Shirt prompted.

Meanwhile, Angela had signed Shirt’s “Battlefield” cover and was struggling to find a gap to sign his “The Eighties” book. Glancing over, Shirt noticed that Nick was poised to sign the “Battlefield” cover.

“You’ve already signed it !”, Shirt said, snatching the cover away.

“Oh !”, sighed Nick.

A gap having been found, and another signature added to the large number already in the book, Shirt moved along to Nick, getting his “Doctor Who at the BBC” and “Short Trips” audio covers signed.

Leaving the shop, having managed to fight his way past the woman, her son and TIM’s Dad, Shirt decided to travel one more stop up the line.

Entering Seventh Galaxy, Big Ted greeted him.

“Many people there ?”, he asked.

Realising that any attempt at subterfuge would be wasted, Shirt replied.

“Reasonable number”.

Having shown the staff the photo of the Brigadiers….

“Computer-created”, said one staff member.

…Shirt wandered aimlessly around the shop, looking for a small extra birthday present for Chalky, without success. Meanwhile, the shop staff were deciding on a production company name for their forthcoming Daphne Ashbrook DVD, with all anagrams of Cybermen stories being considered, as well as comedic ones highlighting their desire for anonymity.

Shirt left the shop, and following a brief stop in Notting Hill, wended his way home.

[PL]