Chalky, Dufus,
Shirt, and Tigger…
…Visit the
Nightmare Fairs
Dufus had reached the “Big 4-0”, and it seemed that a Chinese
meal, a Dalek-shaped cake lovingly crafted by Tigger, and a jaunt to Aldbourne
and
As is the form for these occasions, they got lost on their way
from
A late start the next day, was worsened by Shirt holding everyone
up by forcing them to partake in an unamusing skit for his video record of the
day (which has yet to appear, and probably never will). Dufus was driving, and
Chalky’s efforts to prevent them from having to pay the toll on the M6 by
avoiding the toll road were thwarted by Dufus’ lack of direction and poor road
sign reading.
After a cursory look at the merchandise on offer in the foyer,
the four paid their money, and entered the exhibition. First up was the sitting
room with the family watching the first episode last seen by the gang in
Llangollen. Next was the illuminated console. Trying to take a photo of it,
Shirt realised that the batteries had run out in his digital camera, and so
quickly nipped back into the foyer, where he was directed to a nearby shop
selling batteries. However, on returning to the exhibition, and having taken a
photo of the console, noticed a sign stating that there was to be no
photography from the next gallery on. Therefore photos were also taken of a
couple of Cybermen and various random costumes hung on a rail.
Moving into the next gallery, a mixture of favourites from
Llangollen and Longleat, all were surprised how many costumes Tigger recognised
from the stories that Chalky had forced/encouraged her to watch. All four had
fun making a model TARDIS appear and disappear in a model scene (it’s all done
with mirrors, you know), and Shirt bowed down to the shrine that is Peri’s
costume from “The Mysterious Planet”. Next up was the Hall of Monsters, which
due to its low lighting, background sound effects and atmospheric spotlights
lighting the costumes, managed to completely spook out Chalky (who doesn’t like
mannequins [save the Andrew McCarthy film] at the best of times). Shirt was
concerned that small furry “Ultimate Adventure” companion, Zog, seemed not to
have survived the move from
A long discussion then ensued as to where they were going to eat,
with the final decision being made that they would have fish and chips. The
large number of such establishments (at the seaside, never) meant that more
prevaricating went on, until finally they picked one. Dufus then proceeded to
flirt with the East European waitress, to the others uncomfortableness. Food
consumed, it was decided that due to the price of entrance to the tower (only
an all-encompassing Circus-included ticket was available), they would find
other entertainment. Dufus and Shirt were then briefly distracted by a
hen-weekend group all dressed as policewomen. Various amusement arcades were
visited, with one offering a monorail around the entire complex, including a
mysterious looking tunnel. The four therefore piled into the cars, which were
probably meant for families with young children, and proceeded to wave to the
people below. The tunnel proved to be hiding animatronic displays from “
Next stop was the pier, which they proceeded to walk up
to the end, stopping at a rifle range, where Dufus was persuaded by the
stallholder to throw good money after bad in an attempt to win a reasonable
prize. Having finally done so, and having only spent twice as much as the soft
toy was worth, the friends took photos of one another with the tower and Golden
Mile in the background. A brisk walk along the promenade, and the friends were
back at Dufus’ car. Unwanted items stowed, the friends decided to enter the
Admission to the
Dufus left, Chalky and Tigger joined the queue, Shirt waited…
…And waited
Chalky and Tigger got into a Viking longboat, and disappeared
inside the ride just too quickly for Shirt to get it on video.
Shirt continued waiting….
And waiting….
Chalky and Tigger’s boat reappeared, and they got out and
rejoined Shirt.
No sign of Dufus.
Five minutes later, still no sign of Dufus.
Another five minutes later, still no sign of Dufus.
The friends were starting to get worried. It was agreed that
Chalky and Tigger would go around the park in opposite directions in an attempt
to find him whilst Shirt stayed outside
Ten minutes later, Tigger returned Dufus-less.
Two minutes after that, Chalky arrived back also Dufus-less.
It was decided that Chalky would recheck the entrance. Five
minutes later, he returned with Dufus who was mumbling about forgetting about
the time.
Next up was the optical illusions funhouse, which ended with a
ride in which the friends were seemingly turned upside down in their seats, but
it seems more likely that the walls revolved instead. Having regained their
senses, they moved on to “Steeplechase”, where instead of cars, the friends sat
astride carousel horses that ran around a rollercoaster track. Three horses ran
at a time, and so the race was on Dufus vs. Shirt vs. Chalky & Tigger. The
horses set off at a surprisingly fast pace with Shirt taking an early lead,
grateful that this racehorse unusually came with a built-in seatbelt. However,
a third of the way, his horse slowed and both other horses passed him, much to
Shirt’s chagrin and the other’s delight. Chalky and Tigger proved to be the
winners, with Dufus second and Shirt a pitiful third. All three males exited
the ride in a somewhat gingerly fashion due to the effects of their groins
being pushed into a metal horse’s neck. They then passed “
Chalky and Tigger then decided to go on a Irun Bru Revolution, Europe's first 360 degree
looping rollercoaster. Having more sense, Dufus and Shirt took advantage of the chance to sit down
on a bench in front of the coaster’s large loop, which riders went round twice
– once forwards and once backwards – laughing at the screaming masses. Having
been rejoined by the other two, Dufus and Shirt managed to squeeze into the
back of a log-flume boat (it was a very tight squeeze). This seemed
quite tame until the final drop, at the bottom of which tidal-waves of water
slopped into the boat, soaking all occupants to the skin. Miserly as ever,
Shirt simply hung about whilst the other occupants used the dryer that had to
be paid for, sneaking in when they had finished and the credit hadn’t quite run
out.
Penny
arcade machines (which proved that Shirt is a better lover than Chalky) were
then plundered, before they returned to Dufus’ car, eating waffles with cream
and jam. The journey back to Dufus’ seemed shorter, entertained as they were by
a fan-made CD dramatisation of Blackpool-themed “The Nightmare Fair”.
One theme park down, one to go. The next day, with a minimum of
wrong turns (but with some problems in relation to exits from the A5 that Dufus
was adamant didn’t exist despite the evidence of his eyes), they found
themselves parking in the large car park, amazed at the great numbers of cars
already there that early on a Sunday. As ever, they joined the slowest queue,
but eventually they paid for their entry (using a 3 for 2 voucher got by Shirt
from the park’s website) and entered the park.
Having got their bearings, they decided to queue up for the runaway
minetrain, which unusually had a small loop in it. The time being early the
queue was not too long, and soon they were exiting and deciding which ride to
go on next. The lifeboat-themed log flume, “Stormforce 10”, was chosen, and
after a brief stop to laugh at small kids standing too close to the fence by
the biggest drop and getting soaked, they joined what seemed a reasonably short
queue, ignoring the signs indicating that it was an hour’s wait from this
point. The queue went into a “lifeboat station”, and having slowly moved
through this (and its highly evocative fishy smell), they found themselves in a
courtyard where the queue curved back on itself so many times that the four
nearly got dizzy. A jolly mechanical mannequin in yellow souwester proved to be
entertaining for all of ten seconds. Finally exiting the courtyard, they
climbed stairs after stairs up a “lighthouse”, which provided an excellent view
of the park. Several other people thought this and started taking photographs.
Taking advantage of the lighthouse setting, Shirt quipped “Don’t look at the
flashes, or your eyes will change colour”. With such japery, the rest of the
queuing time flew by, as they rounded the corner of the boathouse, and
approached the entrance, via a wall almost entirely covered with discarded
chewing gum.
Entering the boathouse, and carefully stowing their valuables in
a corner, the four piled into one of the yellow lifeboats, which suddenly
sprang into life, going through a door which closed behind them. For a few seconds
they sat in the darkness, then the door in front of them opened, and the boat
plunged down the largest drop, still soaking onlooking kids. Two more drops
later, one of which was taken backwards, and the boat was making its steep
journey back to the boathouse, where luckily no-one had stolen the friend’s
valuables. Chalky and Tigger decided that they wanted to go on the stand-up
rollercoaster, “Shockwave”, but Dufus and Shirt decided to partake of the
slightly less scary Rapids ride. Having completed this and there being no sign
of the other two, they managed to fit in both the Runaway Minetrain and the
park’s chairlifts over the large lake, before meeting up with them again. It
seemed that Chalky and Tigger had managed to go round a couple of times during
this period.
On an adrenalin high, Chalky and Tigger decided to partake of the
spinning delights of “Maelstrom”, whilst the other two stood and laughed at
Chalky’s ill-looking face as it spun past them. Having gone on all the rides on
one side of the park, they moved to the other. All decided against
“Apocalypse”, the world’s first stand-up tower drop, and seeing the long queue
for the Haunted House, decided to go and get lunch to eat in the queue. Joining
the queue and eating all manner of undercooked meats, they found the queue
moved very slowly. The solution proved to be that the doors only opened every
fifteen minutes, to admit large groups of people. This also seemed to have the
effect of making people in front of the friends give up waiting, and go off to
other rides. Finally, the friends entered the spooky atmosphere, where shaking
floors and walls scared them all, particularly Tigger. The tour ended with
another ride where it seemed that the friends were turned upside down in their
seats, but where the walls revolved instead. However, prior to this, Tigger
scared everyone more than the ride itself, by screaming when something brushed
past her leg.
Next up was a dragon-themed boat ride, which was a bit of a
disappointment after all the time that they had waited, but this was balanced
out by a dragon-themed rollercoaster that went over the lake. After a pirate
galleon ride, Dufus agreed to go on “Shockwave”, so they returned to the other
side of the park, where Chalky, Tigger and Dufus went on the ride, and Shirt
failed to take a photo of them. Time running away, there was just time to go
round the Drayton Manor Zoo which was in the process of closing, and so the
majority were not visible, before briefly stopping at the gift shop to buy
presents for Dufus. The park closing, they quickly made their ways back to
Dufus’ car, his home, and the next day, wended their ways back to their own
homes, to the sounds of “The Spectre of Lanyon Moor”.
[PL]