Shirt...

...A Pig of a Problem.

Having spent the previous evening meeting the stars of ‘The Sarah Jane Adventures’ (see S…The Sky’s The Limit), Shirt decided to attend not one, but two signing events. The first was to be a Seventh Galaxy Events signing in Barking featuring Anna Karen, John Levene, Nic Goodey, and (of more interest to Shirt) Richard Franklin and William Thomas. Arriving at the Barking Learning Centre at about 10.30am, Shirt paid for two autographs and joined the queue for William Thomas, who has appeared in both Classic and Nu WHO, as well as being Gwen’s Dad in ‘Torchwood’. He happily signed Shirt’s ‘Torchwood – Series 1 & 2’ poster, whilst Shirt flattered him over his performance in ‘Torchwood: Miracle Day’ that had finished two days before. Sidestepping John Levene, who still appeared to be swearing (see S….Invasion XI), he joined a short queue behind Bergerac Man for Richard Franklin.

Having finally finished a long and involved question that Richard couldn’t understand, Bergerac Man moved off. Shirt got a photo of Richard as Mike signed and then asked the steward to take a photo of the two of them, as Richard was one of the only two Classic companions still living that he does not have a photo with (the other being Lalla Ward). The steward who was covering two guests had to call for another steward to take the photo.

“What do you do for a job ?”, Richard asked as they posed.

“I’m a Probation Officer”, Shirt replied and a short discussion of the recent London riots took place.

Photo taken and gathering up his items, Shirt stowed them back in his bag, and returned to the Station via a couple of shops in Barking, making his way to Leicester Square and Frock Square, a theatre shop that was hosting a signing for the release of the soundtrack to the musical ‘Betty Blue Eyes’ that Shirt had seen and enjoyed a few months before.

Entering the shop, Shirt joined a short queue inside to buy the CD, which the assistant removed from its cellophane using an ingenious tool. He then joined a longer queue outside the shop. The people in front clearly attended every musical and show going, and spoke of the stars as if they were personal friends. Then another woman turned up, let’s call her Annie (despite not knowing whether she is an orphan, and her certainly not being little), and began speaking to the group as she vaguely knew them. It was then that Shirt made his fatal error.

“Would it be alright if I joined my friends ?”, asked Annie.

“Yes, that would be fine”, Shirt foolishly replied thinking ‘what’s the worst that could happen’. [This is what is known in the trade as dramatic irony].

At 12.05pm, the first members of the queue were let in, and the queue, which kept getting longer moved reasonably swiftly. About half-an-hour later, Shirt was at the front of the queue outside, and five minutes later, was entering the shop and joining the queue downstairs behind Annie. First up with Sarah Lancashire, who happily signed Shirt’s CD cover and the poster that he bought when he went to see the show, whilst Shirt commiserated with her about the show closing the next week. As people were only getting “Betty” merchandise signed, and the queue was still long, Shirt decided not to chance his ‘Series 4’ poster for Sarah. The CD sleeve had already been signed by Reece Shearsmith who was next in line, and had been pushed along the table. Reece seemed slightly more put out by the closure of the show (or it may have been annoyance at doing a signing just prior to a matinee) and was not very talkative.

However, it was further up the table that Shirt should have been paying attention to. Whilst he was attempting to engage Reece in conversation, the next guest, Ann Emery (West End stalwart and most importantly ‘Mrs Meaker’ in ‘Rentaghost’) was confused at having two CD covers in front of her.

“Are these both to be signed ‘To Annie’?”, she asked, squinting at them.

Annie who was engaged in conversation with the composer and lyricist merely mumbled “Yes” without looking.

Therefore, when Shirt finally caught up with his cover, it was signed “To Annie”. Shirt had a Raymond Cusick flashback (see CDS….Meet A Blue Peter Badge Winner)

Ann was very apologetic, and Annie tried to pretend that she didn’t know what was going on, before making a quick getaway. Ann crossed out ‘To Annie’ replacing it with ‘To Shirt’. Shirt therefore picked up the cover and having got Ann on the poster, presented both to the next guest, David Bamber, clearly annunciating “To Shirt”.

The final two guests were George Stiles (composer) and Anthony Drewe (lyricist), who were pleased that Shirt had enjoyed their work, particularly Anthony’s plethora of pig puns. CD and poster signed (in the right name) and a still annoyed Shirt was making his way back to Leicester Square.

Shirt’s afternoon was spent in visiting some buildings featured in the Downey-Jr “Sherlock Holmes” that were open for ‘Open House’ weekend, in getting soaked by a sudden rain-storm, and in listening to his newly acquired CD, Ann’s bravura performance in “Pig, No Pig” meaning that she at least was forgiven.

Shirt wended his way home, thinking of how he could hide the large silver mark where ‘To Annie’ had been crossed out, and on his arrival managed to make a sticker to cover the mark using a scan of the CD cover from Frock Square’s website. Shirt made a vow – no-one’s pushing-in in front of him again !!!

[PL]