The nighttime landscape of Livonia, Michigan stretched out before Joseph. It was boringly normal. He sighed and turned to his comrades. The Tick was looking at the building tops with interest.
“Not as tall as in The City, but they’ll have to do.” Tick started to jump for a nearby roof, and Joseph grabbed his arm.
“Uh, Tick, maybe you should just...y’know, walk with us. We can’t really afford to pay off another city for restorations.”
“Sorry, chum,” Tick replied. “I forgot about that. Oh, well. Spoon!” He returned to the group cheerfully. “Hey, Stanley, why don’t you put your mask on? It’s really keen the way it turns all rubbery!”
The Hylian, Link, snorted. His pointy ears twitched in contempt. “That stupid green thing totally clashes with your outfit.” Then he busied himself with inspecting his red tunic, which matched his red and silver shield and gauntlets. When he looked up, Stanley Ipkiss was glaring at him and his dog, Milo, was baring his teeth.
“You sicken me,” Stanley growled. “What kind of superhero spends all his time trying to make his outfit match?!”
“Die Fledermaus,” Tick offered.
“I am NOT a superhero,” Link snapped, offended. “I am the Hero of Time, destined to save Hyrule from the evil Ganondorf!”
“Well, what’s taking you so long? You’ve had your own freakin’ video game for thirteen years and that warthog keeps coming back! It only took me one movie to take out my enemy!” Stanley face was flushed with anger.
“Calm down, you must, or throw cheesy poofs at you I will!” Yoda shouted at them.
“Yoda’s right,” said Joseph. “Just listen to this song and be inspired--I closed my eyes....”
“Oh, dear God, he’s singing again!” Link cried.
“Drew back the curtain...” Tick joined in enthusiastically, way off key.
“Oh, man, that did it.” Stanley jammed the mask onto his face hastily. It spread over the back of his head and he spun around like the Tasmanian Devil. When he came to a halt, his face was bright green and he was wearing a yellow zoot suit. Milo was wagging his tail happily.
“Oh, keen!” cried Tick.
“Oh, brother,” Link muttered.
“S-s-s-s-smokin’!” the Mask exclaimed.
Joseph just shook his head. “No one appreciates my singing voice...”
“I do!” Tick cried.
“Suck...up...” Yoda coughed.
The Mask looked around, as if unaware of where he was. Then his eyes lit up. “They call me Cuban Pete!...”
“Oh, please, not that again!” Link exclaimed in exasperation. “Are we gonna battle evil or what?” Then he looked down and was alarmed to see that Milo was gnawing on his leg.
“Sure, sonny,” Mask said, pinching Link’s cheek. “Have you taken your nappy yet? I think you’re a little cranky!”
“Does he HAVE to work with us?” Link snarled, rubbing his cheek with one hand and clutching his ankle with the other.
“Green he is, and funny!” Yoda cried, cackling as his whacked Link’s feet out from under him with his cane. “Fights crime better than you do, he does!” Link fell to the ground in a cloud of dust.
“Oh, no! You got my tunic dirty!” Link yelled, almost in tears.
“Oh, you know, I really think you look better in brown!” Mask said, changing his voice to valley girl. “Why don’t you, like, come over to my house and we’ll do each other’s hair! Plus I’ve got this totally cool nail polish we can put on.”
“Stop this childish fighting!” Tick cried. “Can’t we all just get along?”
“Apparently not,” Joseph muttered. “All right, everyone shut up!” The Mask saluted him, and Joseph glared at him. Then he turned to Link. “If you don’t quit whining about your looks, you’re officially off the team. We need to get to work!”
“Well, I don’t see any crime around here...” Link muttered.
“Heard I have of a Sith gangster who operates in these parts. Chairface Chippendale his name is,” Yoda cut in.
“Chairface Chippendale! He’s no Sith!” Tick exclaimed. “He wouldn’t know the Force if it walked up to him and said, ‘Hey, you Bad Person! I’m the Force, for crying out loud!’”
“Works in secret, he does. An underground gangster he is also.”
“I like gangsters!” Mask exclaimed. “I eat ‘em for lunch. A little ketchup...”
“Shut up,” Link said. He was then horrified as Milo jumped onto his chest and knocked him onto his back.
“Good boy, Milo!” the Mask said cheerfully.
“Well, let’s go find this Chippendale guy,” Joseph said reasonably.
“S-s-s-s-s-smokin’!” the Mask cried.
“Would you stop saying that?” Link asked tiredly. He and the Mask trailed behind the rest of the Semi-Super Squad, bickering all the way, while Milo nipped at Link’s ankles.