Once our Angel, now His

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This page is now complete, I may add more thoughts of Lisa when the mood strikes me, and some pictures of her in time. But for now I am happy with the way the page has turned out. I want to thank my family for their support in getting through this nightmare. My mom and dad were there for me when I needed to cry, my sister and brothers were there for me to talk to, and my friends have been a great help in the healing process. A big thanks to my children and my husband, James, who have given me the room to grieve, and to look back and grieve some more, always there with the hugs and comfort that I need. Where would I be without you? Thank you Danny and Udder Mudder for the support and the times we cried together. Your love means the world to me, I only wish I could bring her back to you. I love you all. Thank you for being my strength! And Thank you To God, who gave us the time we had with her, and will make sure that her memory lives on. I know we will meet again Lisa! Save a place for us. You are loved and cherished beyond words.


MY SISTER, MY FRIEND

What can I say about Lisa? When I first met her, I was just 12 and she was only 7. She was such brat and a child. But she was so proud that her cousin was coming to stay with her. We got along alright, but more like sisters than cousins.

We shared a bedroom and giggled and talked and argued. But no matter what happened, we loved each other almost immediatly.

I remember when she lost a tooth and she was going to test out the Tooth Fairy. I was the only one she told where she hid that tooth. So of course, I told my Aunt where it was, she was too young to stop believing. The look in her eyes when she had money and a note from the Tooth Fairy, was worth betraying her trust in me to keep it a secret.

Even after both our families moved on, we saw a lot of each other, and spent time at each others homes. Our mom's were sisters, and I really was closer to her mom than I was my own. She and her mom had a close relationship, and Lisa was more than happy to share.

As we both got older, we spent more time together and talked about more grown up things, like boys and stuff. I told her about things that I wouldn't share with anyone, and she told me things that she would not share with anyone.

We decided that we were sisters not cousins, and that is just the way it was. I loved her like she was a sister, and we were the best of friends, just the way I always thought sisters should be.

She was madly in love with Steve Perry of Journey, and they were her favorite group. This is why I chose the song I chose for her page. I chose Open Arms, because I know that when I meet Lisa again, we will go to each other with Open Arms, and all will be well again.

She also loved unicorns, and cows and Smurfs. She loved life and her family and friends.

Julie was her best friend, that wasn't me of course. They were a trip together. We had a ton of laughs together mostly cuz we were all pretty much air heads when we were together.

Julie remember counting by stomping on the floor, how bout the time you made me wear the Burger King crown all the way home...only an hour and a half away. Neither of you thought I would, but I did, I even stopped for gas with it on.

Julie, we understand each other and the loss of our Angel. You know I am here for you and I know you are there for me. We can laugh or cry or just sit and talk about other things. We don't do it often enough. But you are always in my thoughts, I can't think of Lisa without thinking of you.

When I got married, Lisa was my Maid of Honor. When I had my second daughter, I gave her Lisa's middle name.

She use to come to spend time with us, sometimes taking the bus when she couldn't find another way to get there.

When I went through my first divorce, she was there with me, she helped me pack and just really helped me get through a lot of things.

She couldn't be at my second marriage as she and my Aunt (udder mudder) and "little brother" Danny had moved to Arizona by that time. But they called, and that was wonderful.

When she had her daughter she was so happy. I couldn't be there with her because I was pregnant myself. But I was with her in spirit, just like we had always been for each other.

A few weeks after I had my son, she flew out to see us. It was a short visit, but still a visit none the less, and it was the first time I was to set eyes on my beautiful neice, Ashley Renee.

She met a man, and she was so happy with him. They moved in together, and although she would get furious with him, she still seemed to be happy when she was with him. I now know that is what she wanted me to believe.

They eventually got married, I was suppose to go to Arizona and be in her wedding, but things happened at home and I was not able to go. This is something I will regret until the day I die, as it would have been the last time I saw my sister. Through the pictures, I can see that she made a beautiful bride. They bought a house, and had a baby boy, Daniel Spencer.

After Daniel was born, she didn't seem as happy as she had been. They were not getting along, and I could tell that something was very wrong. But she insisted that things were ok.

She called me one day to tell me that she was getting divorced. I said I was sorry, and she said not to be that she was happy about it and that he was being a jerk about things.

Then, one day in December, around the 27th, Udder Mudder called and asked if I had heard from Lisa. Well, I hadn't except for a few months before that. Lisa was missing, and they were sure that her husband had something to do with it. I wanted to fly out there immediatly, but Udder Mudder, said that I shouldn't. So I just waited for word from them.

Then came the call that I had been dreading. "Lisa is gone." I don't really know how I reacted, except to sit on the kitchen floor with the phone to my ear. How could this be true? She was a beautiful, young mother with so much life to live and 2 wonderful babies to teach, and to love and to learn from.

Her body was never found, so that meant there was still hope. That meant that she could be somewhere, not knowing who she was or where she came from. In every crowd, I looked for her face, thinking that she would some how know to come to me. She never showed up. There were people who looked like her every where. I heard songs that reminded me of her. I saw her face in my dreams. And I heard her voice on many occasions, but I never again saw my little sister.

I cannot go into the story of her death, but when everything is done, I will do what I can to explain how it all happened to the best of my ability, if I am able. In the mean time, I just wanted to share the story of two sisters who were separated by states and never truly separated. And now are separated by death and still not completly separated. I still see her face, hear her voice, and laugh with her and at her. I still long to hug her and tell her that I miss her. It has been almost 9 years now and the emptiness lives on. I know I am not alone in these feelings. We have a brother and a Mudder who I am sure feel her loss in a worse way than I do. And she has two beautiful children, who will never feel her hugs or hear her bedtime stories, or listen to her laughter. I hurt for them as well as I hurt for myself, but selfishly, I hurt for my loss, my sister, my friend.

Marianne, Thank you

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LISA (added March 1, 2001)

Lisa's birthday is March 4th. She was 5 years younger than me. At first that was a big difference for me. Then as time went on we grew on each other I think. Well something happened that bonded us for life. It didn't ever matter if we didn't talk or write for long periods of time, we could just pick up where we left off. That was part of the beauty of us. We just loved each other...that's all...just loved. Her birthdays are hard, and yet, I know she is in Heaven and she is doing great. So Happy Birthday Lisa.. I love you!

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My   Request   to   you

I know I have to forgive this person and pray for his soul to be saved. I know this in my head. However, my heart is not as cooperative. God says to pray for your enemies. How does a person do that? How do you go from praying that he burns in Hell, to saying God please save him?

I don't understand how this is to be done, but I know that I have to do it. So I am asking all of you who read this page to pray for me and the rest of Lisa's family to be able to pray for this. This way maybe when worldly justice is served, we will be able to find peace with the situation.

I can't set a good example for my children and cannot tell them to forgive, if I can't do it.

God's forgiveness was meant for all who ask, not just for those that we think deserve it. Again, this I know in my head.

What this person took from us seems unforgiveable to us and to many others. But what God gave so that we could be forgiven was done in the name of love, so I sure hope that I am able to do this one day soon in the name of Love.

Thank you for your prayers.


UPDATE THE TRIAL IS OVER

Well, it has been a long time coming, but finally they arrested and convicted the man who was responsible for my sisters death. It was indeed her estranged husband Marek. He was sentenced to 14 years in prison for Manslaughter. It doesn't seem like enough for all that he took from us, but I guess it is better than him running around free. As soon as I figure out how, I will put a picture of Lisa on here for you all to see so that you can see the beautiful Angel that was taken from us too soon, but now resides in Heaven with our Heavenly Father.

I know he will have his punishment in the end, in some ways I know that he needs to hear about God's word, and I really want to tell him about God and how to have eternal life. That is the spiritual side, and the thing I know I have to do. But the human side of me says he doesn't deserve to know God's goodness and grace and he most certainly doesn't ever deserve to be taken to Heaven. But then again, which one of us does?


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